We have sold a lot of things in this minimalism process. On Craigslist alone I have sold over 80 items. Ebay? At least 20. And let me point out this is all my nicest, biggest stuff. It amazes me. I have regretted only the fact that I like the stuff. We don’t buy much and when we do its nice. But really, its been really easy for me emotionally.
The only thing that gets me is the baby stuff. That is less about the stuff and more the typical “my baby is growing up” bitter-sweetness I have had a string of sales recently. Quite a few big ticket items, and even some baby things. Great, I’ve been glad to make progress. But today I sold my daughters little red wagon and I feel like a vice is squeezing my heart. Perhaps it is partly guilt, as she will not be happy about this. Perhaps its simple sadness. How many suburban miles have I covered pulling that thing and a well sunscreened baby?
Hell maybe its hormones…but I was sad when I heard that familiar rattle of the wagon as the lady dragged it away to her car. I looked at the hundred dollar bill in my hand and told myself it goes in my daughters own envelope. For every thing of hers we sell she gets the cash. Once we move into our new life she’ll have a fat wad of cash to buy more appropriate toys. It doesn’t make me feel better. I tell myself that we are doing this for her too. To give her a dynamic upbringing; raising her outside of the box and not encouraging her to become just a part of the machine. The sea will be her backyard. Boat kids are fantastic and few regret their upbringings.
Once in a while, doubt slips in. All over a damn red wagon? Who cares about the big house and the two rental properties, the nice furniture, the art, the car and motorcycle…but woe-is-me about the red wagon? WTF? I don’t mind grappling a little with doubt, but I fear experiencing regret. I don’t want to disappoint my future. I mostly feel 100% secure in this bizarre change in lifestyle. I just wonder if I’ll ever stop grieving the red wagon?